Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
