hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
