Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
