So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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