My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
