I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
