margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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