I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
