is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
