Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
