i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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