In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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