One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
