Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
