I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
