My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
