Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
