she was so not down for the gang bang
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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