Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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