life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
