so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
