I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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