I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
