i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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