if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
