I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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