I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
