Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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