Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
