Just cropdusted the office
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
