He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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