"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
