I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
