dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
