I think my vagina is haunted
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize