last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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