I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
