one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I understand Curling. That high.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
