Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
