Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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