It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
