Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
