Where did you get a picture of my penis
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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