is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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