im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
