I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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