I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
