I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
