Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
