Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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