So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
