Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
