Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
